Announcement
With the recent news that Houston Astros shortstop Miguel Tejada is actually two years older than he's listed in MLB records, a Houston area flag football player has decided that it's also time for him to come clean.
Saying he wanted to rid himself of a burden, Houston Storm quarterback Matt Kacal approached general manager Karl "Breadtruck" Schneider and asked to correct misinformation he gave Storm when they began playing flag football in 1994. Records show that Kacal first began playing flag football when he was a freshman at the University of Houston -- in 1974. "He played throwback on grad school team called the "Model T's", which was apparently the hot car back in that time period," said Schneider. Doing the math, that makes Kacal 58 years old -- as opposed to the 37 years old that he was claiming.
Upon doing further research this reporter uncovered evidence that Kacal might, in fact, be even older than 58. Harris County records show that a Matthew Kacal was married in 1925 to one Gertrude "Bess" Kacal, who died from the small pox in 1927. Matt later remarried his current wife, Becky, in a small ceremony in 1987. This could explain why his current children affectionately refer to him as "grampa." When reached for comment, his second wife, Becky was shocked, but then added "Well, that explains a lot . . . though I can't believe I was gullible enough to believe that all those little blue pills on the night stand were tic-tacs."
Kacal also had two tours of duty in Vietnam, which is where he lost his hair in 1968. "I was the unfortunate recipient of the ol' "napalm in the hair spray bottle" prank. Those guys in 3rd Battalion, 14th Infantry Regiment sure could take a joke too far," lamented Kacal.
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