Gold Country Buzzards

by Dave "Statman" Ribeiro April came in like a lamb and went out like a lion as the Golf Country Buzzards, after three weeks off due to wet weather and holidays, returned to their winning ways against the Free Agents. Dan “Luis Tiant” Hasey spread four hits over nine solid innings to notch his first complete game victory of the young season. Pete “Baron” Von Zboray hit for half the cycle with a triple, home run, three runs scored and four RBI’s to lead the Buzzards 13 hit attack. The Buzzard defense was flying high as it circled in with a flawless, no error performance. Of course, for half the cycle, there’s half a fine, that’s $0.50 from Pete. The Buzzards got on the board first, in the second inning, thanks to a lead off double by Bob “The Skipper” Whitacre, a passed ball and an infield out by Barry “Hit Man” Forman. The Free Agents answered in the top of the third with a pair of runs on two sacrifice flies to right field. The Buzzards countered with a run in the bottom of the third to tie the game at 2-2, thanks to a hit and stolen base from Norm “Bulldog” Tucker and double steal with Craig “Sarge” Daniel. I gotta tell ya, I’ve been around this game a long time and the last time I saw somebody stop half way like that it involved an illegal alien trying to cross Interstate 5 near San Diego at sundown. Sorry, Sarge, that’s a $1 fine for not having your green card with you. The Free Agents put together a two-out threat in the top of the sixth inning, with a double to center, followed immediately by a single to left. Their fastest runner tried to score from second, but was gunned down by the strong arm of Jim “Wags” Wagner who threw a one-hop STRIKE to Dave “mmMumbles” Kelley who took all the runner had to give, made the tag, bounced up and showed the umpire that he held onto the ball. At that point, to a man, you could look any Buzzard in the eye and know that this game was now ours to win. One hop, one buck, Wags. The Baron stepped up to the plate in the bottom of the sixth inning with one out, connected on the first pitch and drilled his first home run of the season over the left-center field fence. The Buzzards never looked back. Danny set down the next nine Free Agent hitters in order, getting seven on groundouts, one on a fly out, and one on a strikeout. Overall, Dan struck out 11 Free Agents, going the distance and allowing only two earned runs. Since that one strikeout was due to an injured player unable to take his at bat, that’s an eleven cent fine on Danny for notching his 11th strikeout without throwing a single pitch. The Buzzards added four insurance runs in the bottom of the eighth inning, on three consecutive singles Steve “Cookie” Cook, Sarge and “Ray “Rh factor” Henry. All three scored on the Baron’s triple. Pete scored the final insurance run on Bob’s sacrifice fly. Three returning veteran Buzzards joined the hit list in today’s game with Norm Tucker leading the way with a three-for-three effort. Dave Kelley and Steve Cook also collected their first hit of the season. Solid performances were also turned in by Gregg “Surf Dawg” Novotny, Dan “Wiki Wik” Wukmir and Mark “Jet Ski” Wronski. The Dawg made solid contact in his first two at-bats of the season, but was robbed of base hits in both efforts by the Free Agent defense. The Wikster and Jets anchored the solid infield defense that slammed the door on any hopes of the Free Agents getting back into the game. The Gold Country Buzzards are soaring high again and await their next serving of dead meat. ADDENDUM: mmMumbles points out that the first broken bat of the year award goes to Sarge...congrats!!! That's a $1 fine for Sarge, and a $2 fine for mmMumbles for selling him out!!! FINAL SCORE: Buzzards 7, Free Agents 2, 9 innings.

By Dave "mmMumbles" Kelley Although the on field activities were cancelled due to “rain” (actually 3” of mud on the James Field infield), the after game activities did take place. Six team members, various family and guests, and our illustrious Team Mom braved the elements and had a good time eating, drinking and fighting off homeless old vultures (not to be confused with Buzzards). MVP of the day was definitely Carol Wagner and her fantastic teriyaki chicken. Cookie took the award for “Most Courageous” with his bare-legged arrival (although he wimped out shortly thereafter and climbed into his track suit). Rookie of the Day went to Larry’s Lovely Lilly. She will prove to be a great (vocal) asset once the Chief is finally old enough to qualify as full grown Buzzard. We did sustain one injury, as Baron Pete von Zboray (the Hungry Hungarian) begged off due to a run in with “bad Mexican food”. An army of plumbers has been dispatched to Pete’s Palace to repair the infrastructure. Note: All that did not attend this mandatory team function will be fined. See you on the 29th.

by Dave "DL" Ribeiro What can be said about the greatest game ever played by the Gold Country Buzzards…except…APRIL FOOLS !!! The game started great with Ray Henry picking off more runners than the number of times Stat Man Big Dave picks his nose when he thinks nobody is looking. The Buzzards scored in both of the first two innings…thanks to Steve Cook thinking quickly on his feet…actually, if he was quick on his feet, that one-two pitch might not have hit him. Our second run was courtesy of the new guy, Craig Daniel…who doubled, stole third and came home on the catcher’s wild throw. Thanks Craig, that’s a $1 fine for running without the steal sign. Since Craig went three-for-three, you can keep the stinkin’ buck, okay? And speaking of catchers, how ‘bout that Dave Kelley, leaping high into the stratosphere to pull down a rebound (aka Ray Henry fastball) and throwing a perfect strike to Norm Tucker at 2nd base to get their fastest runner. The US Seismic Laboratory at UC Berkeley’s Lawrence Hall of Science recorded the tremor at exactly 2:27pm and it was felt as far away as Grass Valley. Pending independent confirmation from NASA’s satellite telemetry that actually both feet left the around at the same time, that’s a $1 fine for DK for throwing the ball to 2nd base while still looking skyward. Poor Dave had to leave the game early when Gregg “Surf Dawg” Novotny found the only part of Dave’s Anatomy (Thursday’s, 10:00pm on ABC) that was left unprotected. Gregg, that $1 fine goes directly to DK. And Pete “The Baron” Von Zboray gets stud of the week honors for donning the tools of ignorance in relief of DK. Second place goes to Norm Tucker for making every play at shortstop look not only effortless, but flawless. Actually, the 2nd most exciting defensive gem of the game didn’t even make it into the scorebook. One of the Patriot’s weak hitters (take your pick from many) hit a pop-up down the right field line. The law firm of Baker, Wukmir and Wronski, LLP, all held a meeting in foul territory before deciding to let it drop and give the hitter one more chance. As Dan “The Man Unusual” Wukmir dove in desperation, and in vain, and as silence fell over the greater part of the town of Colfax, population 1,725, the next sound heard was from the Buzzard’s dugout, as someone cried out in agony “Number 8 would have got to it!!!” That’s $1 from you, Cookie. At this point, the Patriots put the game out of reach with six unanswered runs over the next four innings. Amazingly, the only out hit us, 5-4, but we walked 10 of their batters to only three of ours. Dan “Spacey” Hasey held ‘em scoreless in their last at bat, and Craig Daniel score our last run on Norm Tucker’s sacrifice fly in the 7th. Today’s game marked the return of Tommy “TK” Keatley, who stole his first (of many more to come) base and chased down a few fly balls in center field. Once I dreamed I could play ball like TK, then I woke up with a cramp in my leg, and I had drooled all over my pillow. For your consideration, a man, troubled at home (plate), on the verge of a hat trick, which he would soon fulfill, still having the wherewithal to turn in THE NUMBER ONE MOST EXCITING DEFENSIVE GEM OF THE DAY.…If you missed it, you can see it tonight at ESPN’s Game Day. NOW PLAYING LEFT FIELD, NUMBER 24, JIM WAGNER….WAGNER…WAGNER…The headlines will read WAGNER GOES BELLY-UP TO KILL RALLY…With runners on 3rd and 1st, two outs, and one run already on the board, Jim Wagner stretches his body the way Big Dave stretches the truth to snag a sure in-between’er and save Gregg Novotny another two earned runs against his record. Hey Wags, that’s a $1 fine for excessive grass stains on your jersey. Remember, hand wash it in cold water or you’ll have to deal with the wrath of Ray. This match report would not be complete with mentioning the stellar base running skills of one Dan Wukmir. Not many can actually score from 2nd base on a double without going belly up (see above) between 3rd and home. For that, Dan the Man gets a $1 fine for excessive dirt stains on his jersey…Remember…cold water…hand wash…need I say more??? Spirits were high after the game, despite the disappointing loss. We didn’t give ‘em our best, which they’re sure to see the next time we face ‘em. Coach Bob Whitacre will lead the hit parade in two weeks against the Astros. FINAL SCORE: Patriots 8, Buzzards 4, 7 innings.

by Pete "The Baron" Von Zboray 1st game of the season was a match up between the GC Buzzards and the lowly, slow of feet and pitching Yankees. This group is likely to improve and not to be taken lightly next round. On this Sunday the Buzzards prevailed strongly with excellent pitching performances turned in by “Bull Dog” Ray Henry (not to forget a nice pick at first) and the G-man “Surf Dawg” Novotny (claims he picked that guy at 2nd). Defensive gems were turned in by “Wiki Wik” Dan Wukmir with a nice play from behind 2nd base and a real nice piece of backpedaling by Jim “Wags” in left. Not to be left out of the defense mention is Cookie for making the plays from both sides of 2nd and Mark finding his feet at 3rd and chuckin’ a rocket to first. Solid base running by all who attended with 12 steals for the team and nobody got picked or fell down. Just about everyone got a piece of the action at bat and hit the ball hard with some nice swings. A real nice piece of work by our newest member (no longer of Rookie status) Mike Baker, and some timely hitting by Big Mike McCabe for RBI’s. The Baron once again proved that he is “Mr. Warning Track Power” with a long drive to the fence. At least he got two bases out of it. We saw “Louie” Dan Hasey on the bases a bit and witnessed Big Bob picking up 6 or 7 seconds from last year from home to first. “DK” David Kelley looked like crap on the mound but did a solid job behind the plate, I think he just wants to take more credit on strikeouts and likes to throw the ball to first. Excellent organization, scorekeeping, dictation, shorthand and juggling put together by Big (DL) Dave and Skipper Bob. A big thumbs up to “Chief Young Cloud” Larry R, for giving his work to the arms, keeping them loose. On the down side, Mike M stretched something old and worn in the knee, hopefully however, not too serious and vows to be ready after the Easter break. Good-looking team, nice job on the gear Ray. May bee ya otta give the Yankees the # of your tailor. Great start for the season boys.