Heavy Metal Softball

At the end of each league season, some recognition is always given to those individuals who contributed to the team in some way. The following categories -- most real, some intended for a few laughs -- are mostly from the offensive part of softball; some are just plain offensive! (Have a little sense of humor, guys! Don't get defensive. Get it -- defensive! Oh, never mind....)  So, for what it's worth, here we go:

Tulare City League, Thursday Night, summer 2009
4-6 record:  No team award; MVP selected solely by offensive/defensive points 

Offensive Categories --

Most Plate Appearances:  Mike Lujan (42)

Most At-Bats:  Mike Lujan (41)

Most Runs:  Wes Avery (22)

Most Singles:  Mike Lujan (19)

Most Doubles:  Wes Avery (6)

Most Triples:  Joaquin Perez, Steve Stafford (tie, 3)

Most Home Runs:  Joaquin Perez (3)

Most RBIs:  Joaquin Perez (22)

Most Walks:  Vern Amaro, Gene Hitt (tie, 4)

Most Sacrifices:  Brian Hollingshead, Joaquin Perez (tie, 2)

Highest On-Base Percentage:  Wes Avery (.641)

Highest Slugging Percentage:  Joaquin Perez (1.031)

Highest Batting Average:  Wes Avery (.641)

Most Hits:  Wes Avery (25)

Most Single-Game Points:  Joaquin Perez, Steve Stafford (tie, 25)

Most Offensive Points:  Wes Avery (117)

Defensive Categories -- (Sorry, but no defensive stats were kept this league)

All of which leads to, if the above stats were used primarily in making our choice...

Most Valuable Player (Tulare City League, Thursday Night Men's, summer 2009):  Wes Avery (117 offensive/defensive points)

Most Non-Appearances (regular members):  Paul Lawrence (10) (Once again, Where In The World Is...Paul Lawrence! is a new Thursday evening sports segment showing primarily at Prosperity Sports Park!  Just kidding, of course, buddy!  Lencho Martinez was a close second (8), while Brian Hollingshead and Steve Stafford both took a distant third (3).  Some others also were considered, even though their physical bodies actually made it to the games!)

Perfect Attendance (regular members):  Vern Amaro, Rich Avery, Wes Avery, Lee Garcia, and Mike Lujan (All 10 games; gold stars to everyone!)

Most Memorable Performance:  In our ninth game of the league season, we played a team that goes by the name Blue Barracudas -- unfortunately for our opponent, it was our own Joaquin Perez who was the big fish that night!  On this night, Joaquin went 3 for 4, with 2 singles, 1 home run (grand slam), 6 RBIs, plus scoring 2 runs himself.  His individual offensive output was 25 points, bringing his league total up to 98 points, pretty much assuring him of joining the 100 Point Plus Club for the second time in his Heavy Metal stint.  Like I've been saying all season, buddy, you now own the fifth spot in the lineup!      

Greatest Increase in Batting Average from Last League (spring 2009; minimum 5 games):  Wes Avery (+.200, from .441 to .641) (Frank Fletcher came in second with a +.036 increase)

Biggest "Plunge" in Batting Average from Last League (spring 2009; minimum 5 games):  Lee Garcia (-.307, from .621 to .314) (Vern Amaro came in second with a smaller -.141 decrease; Steve Stafford was third with a -.107 decrease.)

Best Player Quote:  "So, who's not going to be here tonight?."  (attributed to several players -- just making 10 players every game proved to be a big headache for everyone this league....)  

Best Acting Performance by a Player/Manager:  Drum roll, please...Vern Amaro!!! (13th time in a row!  A thirteen-peat!  Incredible!  Can this person run the career table!  This is for impersonating, once again, the second baseman -- and spokesperson -- of a pretty darn-good softball team!  By the way, were there any other eligible candidates on the team?)

100 Points Plus Club:  Vern Amaro (1994 T.C.L. 130 pts./1999 T.C.L. 109 pts./2001 T.C.L. 103 pts./2002 T.C.L. 140 pts./2003 T.C.L. 106 pts./2004 T.C.L. 110 pts./2005 T.C.L. 103 pts.); Rich Avery (2000 T.C.L. 129 pts./2004 V.C.L. 102 pts.); Wes Avery (2005 T.C.L. 129 pts./2009 T.C.L. 117 pts.); Matt Beltran (1999 T.C.L. 104 pts.); Gordon Caudle (2000 T.C.L. 120 pts.); Kurt Chambers (2004 T.C.L. 100 pts.); Frank Fletcher (1994 T.C.L. 115 pts./1999 T.C.L. 169 pts.*/2000 T.C.L. 134 pts./2002 T.C.L. 146 pts./2003 T.C.L. 113 pts./2004 T.C.L. 111 pts./2004 V.C.L. 112 pts./2005 T.C.L. 134 pts./2005 V.C.L. 109 pts./2006 V.C.L. 111 pts./2007 V.C.L. 105 pts./2008 V.C.L. 102 pts.); Gene Hitt (1994 T.C.L. 108 pts./2000 T.C.L. 138 pts./2002 T.C.L. 121 pts./2005 T.C.L. 100 pts./2005 V.C.L. 106 pts.); Mike Lujan (2005 V.C.L. 101 pts./2006 V.C.L. 113 pts.); Joaquin Perez (2009 T.C.L. 112 pts./2009 T.C.L. 103 pts.); Rene Regalado (1999 T.C.L. 109 pts./2000 T.C.L. 120 pts.); John Souza (1994 T.C.L. 122 pts.); Steve Stafford (2006 V.C.L. 106 pts./2007 V.C.L. 100 pts./2008 V.C.L. 103 pts.); Art Tabacco (2005 V.C.L. 116 pts.); Nelson Vieira (2002 T.C.L. 114 pts./2004 T.C.L. 112 pts./2006 T.C.L. 114 pts.) 

*[record for highest league total] 

Heavy Metal Softball rocks!  And I'm not joking here.  You've been a great bunch of guys to play side-by-side with, men! All kidding aside, I was really proud of our efforts, most especially the consistent team attitude displayed. I tip my cap off to all of you, as I know some of you come to play despite conflicting personal schedules, various aches and pains, balancing family and friends, and putting up with my managerial decisions. And so, in the meantime...keep rockin', guys -- and stay healthy for our next campaign!