Heavy Metal Softball

Some Bragging Rights From Our Spring 2009 Tulare City League Campaign!!!

At the end of each league season, some recognition is always given to those individuals who contributed to the team in some way. The following categories -- most real, some intended for a few laughs -- are mostly from the offensive part of softball; some are just plain offensive! (Have a little sense of humor, guys! Don't get defensive. Get it -- defensive! Oh, never mind....)  So, for what it's worth, here we go:

Tulare City League, Thursday Night, spring 2009
9-1 record:  1st place!!! (championship shirts); MVP selected by team ballot vote 

Offensive Categories --

Most Plate Appearances:  Donny Aguiar, Mike Lujan (tie, 38)

Most At-Bats:  Mike Lujan (35)

Most Runs:  Lencho Martinez (17)

Most Singles:  Donny Aguiar (22)

Most Doubles:  Rich Avery, Steve Stafford (tie, 4)

Most Triples:  Frank Fletcher, Joaquin Perez (tie, 5)

Most Home Runs:  Lencho Martinez (3)

Most RBIs:  Joaquin Perez (23)

Most Walks:  Brian Hollingshead (4)

Most Sacrifices:  Lucio Cobos, Lee Garcia (tie, 4)

Highest On-Base Percentage:  Steve Stafford (.700)

Highest Slugging Percentage:  Joaquin Perez (1.172)

Highest Batting Average:  Steve Stafford (.690)

Most Hits:  Donny Aguiar (22)

Most Single-Game Points:  Joaquin Perez (33)

Most Offensive Points:  Joaquin Perez (112)

Defensive Categories -- (Sorry, but no defensive stats were kept this league)

All of which leads to, if the above stats were used primarily in making our choice...

Most Valuable Player (Tulare City League, Thursday Night Men's, spring 2009):  Steve Stafford (29 points; by team ballot vote) 

And for our special categories...

Most Non-Appearances (regular members):  Paul Lawrence (8) (Once again, Where In The World Is...Paul Lawrence! is a new Thursday evening sports segment showing primarily at Prosperity Sports Park!  Just kidding, of course, buddy!  Gene Hitt was a distant second (5), while Lencho Martinez took third (3).  Some others also were considered, even though their physical bodies actually made it to the games!)

Perfect Attendance (regular members):  Donny Aguiar, Wes Avery, Frank Fletcher, Lee Garcia, and Mike Lujan (All 10 games; gold stars to everyone!)

Most Memorable Performance:  In our third game of the league season, we played a team that goes by the name The Underdogs -- unfortunately for our opponent, it was our own Joaquin Perez who was the big dog that night!  On this night, Joaquin went 5 for 5, with 2 singles, 2 triples, 1 home run, 6 RBIs, plus scoring 3 runs himself.  His individual offensive output was 33 points, doubling his league total up to this game.  What's more, he went 11 for 12 after 3 games -- a sweet .917 batting average.  Like I've been saying all season, buddy, you now own the fifth spot in the lineup!      

Greatest Increase in Batting Average from Last League (summer 2008; minimum 5 games):  Rich Avery (+.242, from .296 to .538) (Donny Aguiar came in second with a +.215 increase; Lucio Cobos was third with a +.212 increase.)

Biggest "Plunge" in Batting Average from Last League (summer 2008; minimum 5 games):  Gene Hitt (-.122, from .522 to .400) (Mike Lujan came in second with a slightly smaller -.091 decrease; Vern Amaro and Wes Avery were tied for third with a -.059 decrease.)

Best Player Quote:  "Just tell me when, coach."  (attributed to Wes Avery, every time a long-ball opportunity presented itself -- which usually was every at-bat!)  

Best Acting Performance by a Player/Manager:  Drum roll, please...Vern Amaro!!! (12th time in a row!  A twelve-peat!  Incredible!  Can this person run the career table!  This is for impersonating, once again, the second baseman -- and spokesperson -- of a pretty darn-good softball team!  By the way, were there any other eligible candidates on the team?)

100 Points Plus Club:  Vern Amaro (1994 T.C.L. 130 pts./1999 T.C.L. 109 pts./2001 T.C.L. 103 pts./2002 T.C.L. 140 pts./2003 T.C.L. 106 pts./2004 T.C.L. 110 pts./2005 T.C.L. 103 pts.); Rich Avery (2000 T.C.L. 129 pts./2004 V.C.L. 102 pts.); Wes Avery (2005 T.C.L. 129 pts.); Matt Beltran (1999 T.C.L. 104 pts.); Gordon Caudle (2000 T.C.L. 120 pts.); Kurt Chambers (2004 T.C.L. 100 pts.); Frank Fletcher (1994 T.C.L. 115 pts./1999 T.C.L. 169 pts.*/2000 T.C.L. 134 pts./2002 T.C.L. 146 pts./2003 T.C.L. 113 pts./2004 T.C.L. 111 pts./2004 V.C.L. 112 pts./2005 T.C.L. 134 pts./2005 V.C.L. 109 pts./2006 V.C.L. 111 pts./2007 V.C.L. 105 pts./2008 V.C.L. 102 pts.); Gene Hitt (1994 T.C.L. 108 pts./2000 T.C.L. 138 pts./2002 T.C.L. 121 pts./2005 T.C.L. 100 pts./2005 V.C.L. 106 pts.); Mike Lujan (2005 V.C.L. 101 pts./2006 V.C.L. 113 pts.); Joaquin Perez (2009 T.C.L. 112 pts.); Rene Regalado (1999 T.C.L. 109 pts./2000 T.C.L. 120 pts.); John Souza (1994 T.C.L. 122 pts.); Steve Stafford (2006 V.C.L. 106 pts./2007 V.C.L. 100 pts./2008 V.C.L. 103 pts.); Art Tabacco (2005 V.C.L. 116 pts.); Nelson Vieira (2002 T.C.L. 114 pts./2004 T.C.L. 112 pts./2006 T.C.L. 114 pts.) 

*[record for highest league total] 

Heavy Metal Softball rocks!  And I'm not joking here.  You've been a great bunch of guys to play side-by-side with, men! All kidding aside, I was really proud of our efforts, most especially the consistent team attitude displayed. I tip my cap off to all of you, as I know some of you come to play despite conflicting personal schedules, various aches and pains, balancing family and friends, and putting up with my managerial decisions. And so, in the meantime...keep rockin', guys -- and stay healthy for our next campaign!