West Allis NATIONALS Baseball

After making unwelcome advances toward the spouse of one of our veteran players, several members of West Allis' finest detained the famous rodent. At the advice of his attorney, Bernie offered, "No comment." Police insiders suggested that the oversize rat won't be spotted at Miller Park this spring. "It's a deeply troubling situation," stated one unnamed source. More on this shocking story as it develops. STORY UPDATE: June 20, 2001 All charges against the rodent have been dropped according to an unnamed source on the force. "Our patrolmen did a fine job of interviewing witnesses and gathering evidence. There was, however, and unfortunate event that occurred involving one of our canine handlers, his canine, and Mr. Brewer. I am not at liberty to comment on this ongoing investigation other than to say that Mr. Brewer should be able to resume his duties at Miller Park by early 2003." This reporter will continue to follow the developments in this story and update you as news becomes available. STORY UPDATE: August 6, 2001 Bernie continues his rehab, but his long term prognosis remains unclear. The D.A. has chosen not to file any charges against the canine handler due to a lack of evidence and dearth of witnesses to the alleged attack. The canine handler in hearing this responded accordingly. "I was confident that the West Allis Police Department do the right thing, and prove my innocence... uh, I mean, what I meant to say was that that given time, the criminal justice process would fail to unearth any proof of my guilt... uh, on further thought, my barrister suggests I say "no comment" You can print that and put that in your pipe and drink it.