All She Wanted Was for Him to “Fight for her?”

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All She Wanted Was for Him to “Fight for her?”

Posted by Serge Clocker on May 22 2020 at 10:00AM PDT

A reader named Kate dumped her man. Twice-ish. He doesn’t really want to come back for another round (she doesn’t say why, but I have to assume that it’s because he’s less of a moron than I usually am.) She’s trying to figure out where it all when wrong. Let’s find out.

My boyfriend and I of a year broke up about a month ago, I was the one who did it because I tried telling him how I felt and he completely wrote me off, didn’t speak to me for a day because I made him mad, I broke up with him that night because I wanted him to fight for me and in his eyes he said I “dropped” him again and it would be our second time breaking up both times I did it.

Wait. You broke up, didn’t talk for a day, and then broke up again? Ok, I…think I get it. Kinda. But the part that sticks out is the, “I wanted him to fight for me.” Oh, Kate, that’s not a great reason to dump somebody, lemme tell you. More in a bit.

we went through a very love/hate not talking to each other phase until last night I went over his house just to speak to him he doesn’t understand where I was coming from and I was trying to explain and hes so sarcastic and blunt person it kinda hurts sometimes anyway, his sarcasm kicked in and we both laughed again and we just looked at each other and kissed and held each other nothing more but then the fact remains were still broken up and I asked him what this meant and he said he doesn’t know what he wants he doesn’t want to give me the opportunity to break his heart for the 3rd time, he is going through a rough time now and from what I know there isnt another girl.

Not to be Conan the Grammarian here, but I mean…why put those two commas in there at all…is all I’m saying.

but I’m just gonna give him space, what would he doesn’t know what he wants mean? I will always love this boy, I just wanted him to listen and fight for me.

Dear Kate,

Ok Kate, here’s a quick news item item of which you might want to take note:

BREAKING NEWS: WHEN YOU DUMP SOMEONE, THEY FEEL DUMPED

I know. Weird, right?

You really can’t be playing with people’s emotions like that, dumping them to try to use that as leverage to get them to change behavior that you don’t like. I’ll give you a metaphor here. If you went into your job and your boss fired you, would your first reaction be, “Gosh…I gotta come in early tomorrow and work really hard!”

Or whatever it is that people think when they want to be better at their job. (I’ve never been much of a “hard worker.” I’m medically lazy, ok? It’s a condition.)

SO WHAT DOES HE MEAN?

He says two things to you:

I’m not sure what I want, and
I don’t want to give you the opportunity to break my heart for the 3rd time.
Manslation? Err…seems like this one’s kind of a “face value” sort of thing. When he says he’s not sure what he wants, my guess is that he’s probably a little ambivalent. On the one hand, he likes you as much as he did (however much that was). On the other hand, you’ve dumped him a couple of times. Recently.

It seems pretty clear to me that he’s at least still on the fence about giving it another shot. It does NOT seem like he’s thinking, “Ok, she dumped me. I gotta be a better boyfriend!”

If you want him to do that, in my opinion, you’re going to have to throw him a bone here.

EXPLAIN YOURSELF, WOMAN!

Ok, your ploy to get him to fight for you was a total bust, Kate. So acknowledge it. Initiate a conversation about this. Tell him exactly what you were TRYING to do. Right now, your relationship isn’t heading anywhere fantastic anyway, so you’ve got nothing to lose by utilizing a little something that I like to call “resorting to the truth.”

I know, I know. Ick. Telling him what you want him to know? Bleah. You just want him to know to fight for you and to listen to you and all of it. Sure. Of course you do. And I’m sure he just wanted you NOT to dump him. Right now it’s not working out for anybody.

Tell him something along the lines of, “Look, when I said/did XYZ, what I was trying to do was XYZ. Obviously that wasn’t the way to go about it. What I was trying to do, though, was…”

If he hasn’t figured it out yet, don’t assume he’s going to. Space isn’t really necessary here, it seems. What is necessary here is an open line of communication between you. You’ve put a bit of a dent in that by, you know, dumping him. Let him know that you KNOW what you did, and ask if he’d be willing to move past it. That’s what I say, anyway.

What do YOU say, ladies? What’s this guy saying?

Resources:

https://www.redbubble.com/people/loveawake/

https://hscj.ufl.edu/webmaster.aspx?url=https://www.loveawake.com

https://cheery.soup.io/post/626250478/When-a-Married-Man-Falls-in-Love

https://galter.northwestern.edu/exit?url=http://www.loveawake.com

http://loveawakecom.simplesite.com/

https://community.hpe.com/t5/user/ViewProfilePage/user-id/2012647

https://user.thuathienhue.gov.vn/Authenticate.aspx?ReturnUrl=https://www.loveawake.com/

https://www.dotdata.ct.gov/media/mainpsa.aspx?url=https://www.loveawake.com/

https://sketchfab.com/georgeharr

https://www.producthunt.com/@loveawake/